Hearts 'n Tears 'n Summer Stuff

This morning, when dropping my kids off at summer day camp, I was slammed with my reality that summer is half over! Wait a minute, it's only July 17....

You see I do this awful thing where I live a few weeks ahead of time, often a few months ahead, planning stuff, so I can keep life organized and my family enjoying the good life! For some reason today it all came crashing down, the pressure of juggling all the pieces, keeping the balls in the air so to speak; I literally crashed down in a pile of tears on my yoga mat, where I layed for a few minutes with salty wetness streaming down my face and into my ears. I wasn't sad about the end of summer, I was feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling overwhelmed, I was disappointed that I wasn't present, right here, enjoying this... and by "this" I mean looking at and committing to memory the sweet look on my kids faces, the pure joy and excitement they felt as they headed into their much anticipated summer camp activities. "This" being my yoga practice, the most clichéd practice of presence known to woman. There it was the harsh reality, the knowing that I was squandering my time making sure we would have... one day. So what about today?

I sat down with an empty journal and started drawing. I drew a tear.

From there I kept creating; words, ideas, thoughts and sketches onto each fresh page until I found myself listing all the things I am grateful for. I kept it short, touching on family, friends and fresh food in the fridge (which only know I am realizing is a genius and unintentional alliteration!), and by the time I had filled 5 pages or so I had hearts pouring rainbows into hearts, warm hugs and there were no more tears. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, I guess my soul needed a cleanse to wash away all the garbage that distorted my ability to see the things that bring me joy.

I was joyful, I felt light, I felt free, I felt inspired.

Things lifted today, I felt the shift.

Summer. It's here. I am here. Let's enjoy this.

      © 2015 This House By Sandy Brown